i’ve been wandering around in this odd, odd mood… wondering what next, why next, what more…  what doors have closed?  what’s satisfied the way that i expected?  has anything ever satisfied?   an odd sense of the reality at this age – no one is going to come up with answers i don’t have.   no one is going to say anything new, probably.   probably there is nothing new.   and then my back has been hurting, and i’ve been so excited that it hasn’t hurt for years.   a bit miserable.   moody.   dis-satisfied.   so of course it suddenly occurs to me tonight as i’m having an epson salt bath that i have been thinking of my lovely homeopath but haven’t actually seen him for a year…  i’ve been thinking “how odd that i totally don’t need to see him!   how will he making a living curing people so thoroughly!”   yikes.

it was the board dinner tonight, which was interesting.   i found out that solomon burke has died.    that surprised me.   sat with someone i quite like and was interested in how we can talk about our kids – he is very straight – and even about hockey.   but there’s this wall.   what might we have in common?   kind of fascinating…

i’m going to give in to not making a whole lot of sense; here’s what i’ve come up with so far.

• continue on course with my classes
• i don’t want to teach
• i don’t want to be an assistant
• i don’t want to make less money, i want more money
• re-read success principles
• make a budget
• order a new bath-tub
• see the homeopath
• work on writing with clarity…   work on mapping out a trilogy…
• figure out a new tai chi course
• spend some time figuring out what i’m going to do with the garden
• i should write up a list of all the successes of the last year and look at what could have been more successful, and how…
• buy some decent office chairs

spend more time looking at art.   had a lovely evening looking at Pierre & Gilles photo-paintings…   has been so long since i’ve thought of them.    this afternoon through twitter searches connected with a couple of other art resources…   i like these tweets coming at me, with links to things i am interested in.

• figure out a way to work at my job without it becoming my life; figure out some boundaries…
• think about getting a life-coach